Bimbo Baggins (cherie_morte) wrote,
Bimbo Baggins

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Oh, but the longing is terrible. A wanton heart under attack.

I am a weak-willed woman. In conclusion: here is my version of that Kink/Trope Meme that is going around. I think I stole this one from opheliahyde, then I saw some other versions with extra stuff, so I stole from those, too. Obviously my life is really exciting.

I don't *actually* have to warn for TMI on this, right? It goes without being said?

Creatures/Aliens: Generally not my thing, however, I did spend a good six months completely swallowed by the world of Remus/Sirius and I ship me some Kirk/Spock and I am all about the gay hobbits who are gay (do they count? they aren't *human* WHATEVER), so I think it really depends on a case-by-case basis. It does kind of have to be canon for me to like it, though. There are people I would read J2 werewolf!fic for, for example, but I would never just read it, because I would just think "I already have tons of excellent Remus/Sirius fic in which those beautiful werewolf issues are addressed." I don't think there's anyone on the planet who can convince me, even just for one story, that I don't fucking hate vampires—vampire!Dean worst of all thanks to The Worst Episode of Supernatural Ever, but honestly any vampires. Just fucking go away. Dracula is the only vampire for me, and his whole appeal is lacking feelings. Though, I'll start this kink thing off with a bang by saying that new knotting kink? I will read it all day, err day. Knotting in the morning (...if I were ever awake in the morning), knotting first thing in the afternoon, knotting at 6 a.m.—I blame rhythmsextion for that 100%.

Mpreg: I just can't get into it! It's not because I hate babies/kidfic--which I do, because I actually really like *babyfic* and can even get on board with the kidfic in some cases (especially cases when said kid shuts its fucking mouth and only exists so BOYS can be adorable parents). In fact, I got a pretty fucking obscene pregnancy kink from writing Cradlesong and now I think it's, like, the most beautiful thing in the world. But I am just not open minded enough to be able to wrap my little brain around the image of a pregnant dude. I blame The Cosby Show. That episode on Nick @ Nite fundamentally changed the person I am today, okay? Fucking terrifying.

Kid!fic/Curtain!fic/Domestic!fic: Aha. I clearly answered the kidfic portion of this above. CURTAIN AND DOMESTIC ARE SO A++ BECAUSE THEY MEAN SCHMOOP AND CASUAL INTIMACY. I mean, I couldn't live off it forever, I am a documented member of The Angstican Party, but there are times when it is all I want out of life. Dean Winchester just wants to buy his brother curtains, okay? Jensen Ackles just wants Jared's dogs to stop chewing on his.

Slave, BDSM, D/S, S/M: All of these are big "no"s for me. I don't like slave fic because there is always going to be an imbalance of power--I'm sorry, however you write it, it's there--and I really don't ship things unless both characters are equals. Exception being when the imbalance goes in an unexpected way (ie: early-seasons Sam has more power over his big brother). So I can like slavefic in het, as long as the woman is not the slave. The rest of it just doesn't do it for me. I just don't see the appeal. I do like slightly dominant partners sometimes, but not to the point where it's a thing, just when one person is being a toppy bastard. And I don't personally enjoy pain at all, so I can't get why it's sexy. *shrug*

Age Difference: Probably this stems from the fact that I've always found older men sexier, but I really do love age differences. Not as much in slash, actually, as I do in het. I really adore an older partner being all tender and protective of their younger partner, and the occasional, "OMG, Why does (s)he love me even though (s)he is so young and beautiful!" angst. I think my time in Phantom of the Opera fandom is showing (but honestly, I loved that shit long before I was in fandom, and even though I no longer ship Erik/Christine, I would be lying if I said that wasn't a huge part of what drew me to the ship).

Bloodplay: The is the part where I say something really, really dirty. I only like bloodplay if it's incest. I get a thrill from the idea that it's their blood, already shared. I could also probably go for blood brothers fic since that's pseudocesty, though I've never actually read any. I wouldn't be able to get into bloodplay that is too gorey--cutting each other and stuff like that, but if the blood is there and they're enjoying it? Yes, yes, yes. Scarkink, I has one. And. Uh. Dean giving girl!Sam head on her period ~does things~ to me.

Underage (chan): No pretensions that I am turning this down for the right reasons--underage doesn't squick me because people are young, unless they are too young (I draw my line at 15 for Sam usually). I fucking adore weecest like burning (if pre-series Dean's shame could be packaged and sold for my consumption, I would be in debt right now and weigh 8,000 pounds). But I happen to find that time period in Sam and Dean's relationship really compelling, that's why I like it. Underage anyone else? No, no, and no. I just am not sexually attracted to people who look young (twink!Jensen, I swear there are better days ahead of you). I don't want to think about them having sex. I hate reading High School AUs (and College AUs for that matter), because I want to read about *adult characters* who *act like adults*. And I just do not understand why anyone wants to read awkward sex scenes. I get that no one has great sex in high school! But I am reading porn to get off, not to be awed by an author's ability to write awful but realistic sex.

Crossdressing/Genderbender: Crossdressing and genderbending are just not things I get. Like, drag queens are great fun--I'll do Rocky Horror until I am too wrinkly to fit into my corset, but because I find it fun, not sexy. Genderswap, on the other hand? Especially when it takes a character and changes them from birth? If a character's gender changing makes sense to me, I can really love it. Girl!Sam? I would cheat on Jess with her in a minute (Jess would do the same to me, so it's okay). I really adore the things that does to the character and find it a fun change to explore. I don't like it with all characters (HATEHATEHATEHATE girl!Dean--it takes away everything I love about that character), but when it happens somewhere I do like it, nomnomnomnom.

Bodyswap: If you're asking me if I think Dean Winchester would spend all day in front of a mirror masturbating if he were stuck in his brother's body, well then, that would be a yes.

Dubcon: Dubcon in general is a weird term for me. When I'm reading something, I decide if it's consensual or not, there's not really any gray area. So dubcon annoys the part of me that the scholar in me hates that just wants black and white definitions for what kind of sex I'm getting. Usually, if there's doubt, it's noncon, and since I only like noncon in way I will describe below that "dubcon" noncon doesn't fit, my answer is no on this one.

Noncon: I hate noncon UNLESS it is taking place in some altered reality--in Hell, for example, or in a dream--that leads to angst, angst, and more angst. When that does happen, I still want it happening offscreen, but I can get behind that kind of fucking with when it's being done unto Winchesters. Otherwise? No. No. And no. I just...that is a really fucked up thing to happen to anyone, and I don't want to read about a Jensen who has been through that. I just never want to have to think about that, especially not happening to people who live in the real world where there's no demons doing it, just people. I really like my Boys. I don't want that happening to them.

Incest/Selfcest: Hah. Hahahahahahaha. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time in high school, I started shipping Merry/Pippin and went through extreme trauma when I realized they were cousins and OMG, AM I STILL ALLOWED TO SHIP IT?! Then I started watching this show about these two brothers who hunt demons—maybe you've heard of it? In conclusion: Why couldn't Merry and Pippin be brothers? LOOK, I WROTE THE FIC WHERE JESS WAS SAM'S TWIN JUST TO MAKE THAT THREESOME MORE INCESTUOUS. Even my non-fandom friends text me, "Talked about incest in class today. Thinking of you." I have accepted that this is a kink of mine, okay? As for selfcest? Hey, sure. Why not? Dean Winchester really wants to have sex with himself. I selfcest often, if ya know what I mean! ;D

Threesome/moresome/gangbang: Nope. I find them personally offensive. Every time someone writes a threesome, a kitten goes bald. Real Answer: I feel like I shouldn't even bother answering this because if I am known at all in fandom, it is probably for being "That Weird Threesome Girl." Whatever, guys. Threesomes are the most beautiful ever. And while, yes, a part of this has to do with how smoking hot the porn is (which it is), I love sustained threesome relationship dynamics more than anything. I just love to see how the addition of an extra person changes and doesn't change a relationship—especially one as deep seeded and intense as Sam/Dean. I love playing with how an addition to that works, which is a huge part of why I've written so many Sam/Dean/Person fics. As to moresomes—I do ship some moresomes quite intensely: Remus/Sirius/James/Lily, for example, but not usually. For writing, it just gets too complicated (especially when the sex comes in, oy), and I rarely find that the addition of that fourth, fifth, etc person's dynamic to a threesome is worth the incredible amount of effort it takes to connect all the dots and make everyone realistically be in love with everyone. Annnddd…Ifindgangbangshot,sosueme.

Death: You know, death!fic doesn't actually bother me that much, as long as the dead character (if it is Sam, Dean, Jared, or Jensen) comes back. Other characters can die, as long as their death is actually meaningful, I am not a fan of killing characters *cough*wives*cough* just to be nasty, but death is a real part of life and there are instances where avoiding it completely just makes your story phony. I am totally okay with Sam or Dean dying in stories and not coming back if it is a story taking place after a canon death and I know they *will* come back (for example, a fic that has Dean's S3 death and talks about over-the-summer!Sam dealing with it that never brings Dean back is okay, because I know that gets undone eventually) and I actually really dig death fic that has characters at the end of a long life. Especially with Sam and Dean—I just really want to see them get that, you know?

Watersports/scat: I do not judge. But there is no one on the planet who writes well enough to make me read this. Victor Hugo is welcome to resurrect himself and try.

Crossovers: *shrug* They're not my thing, usually. Very rarely do I get an itch of curiosity for how a character from one fandom will interact with another, because I am usually not into a fandom unless there is already a relationship there that I think is fascinating and do not want to break it. They have been done well, I can certainly respect the creativity that goes into them. They just aren't my thing.

Unhappy/wide-open endings: Once upon a time I thought I didn't like this. Then I realized 3 of my favorite stories ever end this way. Sometimes the wide-open ending is the most natural one, and actually a really awesome one. In conclusion? Always go with what is RIGHT to your story, and it will be the best ending, even if it miserable and/or asks more questions than it answers.

Violence/torture: No, no, and no. If you're doing that to each other, you are not in any kind of love. I know Sam and Dean settle their fighting with violence sometimes, and I get that with the way they grew up, but I don't want to read about it. And torture? Never.

Humiliation/shaming: Hi! I have a secret humiliation kink. It's no longer a secret. Shame turns me on. That's why incest is so hot sometimes. Also, one of the ways I really love comeplay (though I like complay even more when it's possessive). MOVING ON.

Established relationship: My favorite thing in the world. It's SO HARD to write established relationship longfic, I get that. But when I find some? Oh, man. It breeds casual intimacy all the way to the stars, and that is my very favorite thing.

First Times: Are also fantastic and adorable. I like established more, but certainly understand why there is so much first time fic in the world. It is excellent stuff. Unless it's, like, literal virginity-taking first time sex. Then it's just uncomfortable. I mean, it can be written very sweetly, but it's rarely sexy, so I prefer a good fade-to-black.

RPF (real person fic): LOL. Um, what is this? I don't know anything about it. JaredandJensenallthetimeallthetime.

Band Fic: I don't really listen to enough real music to get that involved with a band fandom, but I'm sure if I did I would be all over this?

AUs: In RPF fandoms, I really love them. In media fandoms, I usually only like stuff that is AU within canon (Jess lives or Castiel never becomes an angel again after falling, etc). I have liked complete AUs before, but very rarely give them a try. When done well in a media fandom, I think they are SOOOO clever. But for the most part I am in a fandom because I like the situation the characters are in and the relationship they have in that situation, ya know? That's why I love Non-AU J2 fic best, too. I really fucking love IRL!J2's friendship, I wouldn't ship the character versions of them if I didn't.

And on a less kinky note, maybe this only excites the crap out of me, but exmanhater just made a FABULOUS podfic recording of my story Nobility's True Badge. She is aces with comedic delivery, the fic improves so much when you're listening to her be hilarious and not reading my crap writing. Seriously, give it a listen! And if you prefer audiofics, it's here.

While I'm whoring out podfic, I am pretty sure I squeed loudly at you guys when chemm80 podficced my reverse bang But We'll Always Have Our Vending Machines (audiobook), and I thought I did when she also podficced my spn_j2_bigbang from last year, but possibly missed that, because feathertofly whined at me a few weeks ago about me not telling her about that. In case I didn't link it earlier, go listen to Slow Show (audiobook). That is, if you ever want to have anything to do with that story again, which I can definitely understand you not wanting to :P. She is one of the best podfic readers in fandom IMO—her voice is so damn soothing and perfect for this kind of thing, and it seriously improves the story a million to get to listen to her.

I am going to go ahead and NOT edit my Shakespeare paper tonight and get started on the 4k of spn_j2_bigbang I owe me before I get to sleep. It will be a most triumphant time.
Tags: #ohpodfic, big bang, cass and her abnormally beautiful face, chain crap, dunnnnnnn dun dun dun dun, fell on the stairs reading, gay savant, gay werewolves & convicts who love them, i post too many memes, i ship it!, i'm a scholar i enjoy scholarly pursuits, jared and jensen are in love, let's do the time warp again, lord of the rings, more clever than shakespeare, oh fandom, oh-my-livia, once again elisa is the table douchebag, public entry, the boy who lived, the internet is eating my life, those brothers have sex, threesomes are important
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