Title: But We'll Always Have Our Vending Machines
Fandom: Real Person Fic – J2
Genre: Schmoop, basically
Rating: NC-17 for Graphic Sexual Content (\o/) and Language
Word Count: 20,800
Summary: AU: Jensen is the new math teacher at Stimson High. On his first day, he meets Jared Padalecki, an English teacher with a killer smile and a little too much time on his hands. Jared is pretty much perfect except for one thing: Jensen has no idea if they’re flirting or just friends.
Mostly the point of this post is to make you all go look at the art and envy me forever >:)
Also, this needs to be saved for posterity, and I figured if I'm making an LJ entry tonight anyway...
monjinator: you should entertain me
monjinator: before i start a rambling entry about how hilarious this alien show is
Cherie Morte: *tap dances*
monjinator: this show is talking about how the Nazis had captured alien ships and were using its tech for their nefarious schemes
Cherie Morte: Oh, naturally.
Cherie Morte: What else is there to talk about?
monjinator: it's true
monjinator: i mean, as far as alien theories go, that one is definitely solid
monjinator: those bastard nazis were so evil, of course they had stolen alien powers, that's the only way to explain why they were so successful fo r so long
Cherie Morte: !!!!
Cherie Morte: IT HAPPENED
monjinator: THERE WERE PROBABLY HIDDEN ALIEN DEATH CAMPS TOO
monjinator: also, all the governments in the world are conspiring to hide all the alien evidence, inclduing alien nazi reports
Cherie Morte: LOL. I am so glad I have someone to enlighten me with all this SCIENCE.
monjinator: i thought you would be
monjinator: i mean, i feel much better informed now
monjinator: I HAVE THROWN OFF THE GOVERNMENT BLINDERS AND CAST OUT THEIR LIES. I HAVE SEEN THE TRUTH, WHICH IS INDEED OUT THERE. ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL. AT 1AM.
Cherie Morte: *snorting IRL*
monjinator: now we've moved on to Roswell
monjinator: the ultimate proof of gov't conspiracy
monjinator: in all seriousness, i believe that somewhere out there, aliens exist. But...this shit is so hilarious
monjinator: if the aliens were here, why would they be such dumbasses as they'd have to be to have all these theories be true?
Cherie Morte: I love you, Monj.
Cherie Morte: Because you just went from "I am so serious" to "BUT SERIOUSLY LOL" in like twelve words.
monjinator: it's like, these aliens can fly across the universe, but somehow their stealth capacity fails over some bumfuck town in New Mexico?
Cherie Morte: I'm saying.
monjinator: or, they can navigate the stars but somehow can't help crashing into the fucking desert?
monjinator: whoops? we didn't see it there?
monjinator: the brakes broke?
Cherie Morte: LOLOLOL
monjinator: we're so amazed by how stupid you humans look we crashed because we were laughing at you?
Cherie Morte: That one actually might be right on!
monjinator: i hope there are aliens out there watching this, and laughing with me
monjinator: maybe saying things like "Oh, that's what happened to Cousin PHB_bbe, I told him not to drink and fly!"
Cherie Morte: AHAHAHAHAHHA
monjinator: or the lights ppl see are like....the products of alien frats hazing each other
Cherie Morte: OMG.
Cherie Morte: That is it.
Cherie Morte: I have lost my shit.
Cherie Morte: Please continue forever?
monjinator: "You have to FLY THE SAUCER TO EARTH. DON'T CRASH INTO THE DESERT LIKE THOSE STUPID FUCKERS LAST YEAR"
monjinator: "You need at least two tabloid stories to get into the frat"
monjinator: i should write this show
monjinator: it would be so much more entertaining
Cherie Morte: Fact
monjinator: crop circles are my favorite
monjinator: would aliens really leave signs for each other in corn?
Cherie Morte: I don't know
monjinator: that is the only way they can communicate with each other?
monjinator: they have no other less detectable ways of saying "HERE IS A RURAL AREA DEVOID OF MOST PEOPLE. DON'T INVADE HERE. NOT WORTH IT"?
Cherie Morte: LOLOL
monjinator: what do you think would happen if the aliens visited, like, spied the earth out, left, and then came back
monjinator: but between the two visits the Zombie Apocalypse happened?
Cherie Morte: They would be like "Ah, fuck. No crops left to doodle with :("
monjinator: that is probably true
monjinator: i wonder if aliens could reverse the zombie virus
Cherie Morte: I doubt it.
monjinator: i wonder if aliens would become zombies if zombies bit them
monjinator: "Every day, Real People see Real UFOs. It's happening. Something is happening."
monjinator: yes, the aliens have nothing better to do than visit us to lurk like creepers every damn day?
monjinator: "currently there are no known protocals in place for an alien visitation" LOL I THINK THE ALIENS WOULD MAKE YOUR PROTOCALS INVALID
monjinator: BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING ALIENS
monjinator: i can just picture this "Umm, Alien sir, please step into the HAzCom area for decomtamination"
monjinator: Alien: Yeah, no
monjinator: "Make me"
monjinator: oh shit, they're starting on the vatican now
monjinator: THEY ARE COVERING UP THE ALIENS TOO
monjinator: because, they admitted that it was okay to believe that life could exist on other planets and still believe in all their doctrine
monjinator: obviously this means they KNOW SOMETHING WE DON'T and not, you know, just trying to clean up their reputation as an antiquated and outdated institution that doesn't let you believe in scientific stuff
monjinator: they're hiding the aliens
monjinator: in their basement
monjinator: with their giant porn collection
monjinator: probably just down the hall, don't want to be giving those aliens any ideas
monjinator: you know, the vatican used to be like, all powerful and whatever, but i wonder how much of that influence it still retains
monjinator: and how much of it is just like...habit
monjinator: slash, the result of their gigantic piles of money
Cherie Morte: I mean, they're kind of pathetic these days :)))
monjinator: maybe the vatican harnesses alien technology
monjinator: like the nazis
Cherie Morte: Probably!
monjinator: that piece of toast with a picture of jesus on it?
monjinator: ALIEN TECHNOLOGY
Cherie Morte: OMFG
Cherie Morte: OMFG
Cherie Morte: DYING.
monjinator: ALIENS INVENTED TOASTERS THAT PUT PICTURES ON TOAST, DIDN'T YOU KNOW?
Cherie Morte: *nod nod nod*
monjinator: "Why did so many ancient cultures build structures celebrating beings that came from the sky?"
monjinator: Why do so many modern cultures make bad television programs about beings that come from the sky?
monjinator: i think the answer is the same
monjinator: i bet ancient ppl liked a good conspiracy theory as much as the next person
monjinator: they had to have the societal equivalents of the guy tha wrote this show back in ancient egypt too. he just got a job making monuments instead of tv shows
monjinator: I LOVE HOW THEY KEEP SAYING THIS LIKE "ANCIENT ALIEN THEORISTS SAY..."
Cherie Morte: I obviously posted prematurely.
monjinator: LIKE THERE IS MORE THAN ONE ANCIENT ALIEN THEORIST
monjinator: LIKE THEY HAVE SOCIETY MEETINGS AND CONFERENCES AND PUBLISH JOURNALS
monjinator: AND COLLEGE DEPARTMENTS
monjinator: ALL THOSE ANCIENT ALIEN THEORISTS
Actually cried laughing for a second there.