Bimbo Baggins (cherie_morte) wrote,
Bimbo Baggins
cherie_morte

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Adios, bitch.

Swap Meat Squee Post

You like Wincest. You don't like Wincest.

Didn't waste time with a Then this time around. Wow. You really know you're getting a throw away episode when they couldn't think of a single thing we needed to be told.

You may think this is Jared *acting* like he thinks he's sexy. No, definitely not. Jared was doing that between takes because he really does think he's that sexy and they decided to use it. True story.

"I would, like, love to have the sex with you." - Wow, this kid has negative game. And this lady? Should probably have picked up on the fact that she was taking home a retard. I mean, it's not that hard to believe, he's got that cro-magnon skull.

I do not see this as a consent issue like some of you do, but I do see it as dirty and uncalled for. Really, we couldn't have the kid in there for one day without him having sex in Sam's body? That's really wrong. These guys ignored the first rule of body swap. IF YOU'RE GOING TO INSIST ON WRITING EPISODES BASED ON FANFICTION, GET THE FUCKING RULES RIGHT.

I was going to yell at this lady about not being allowed to call him Sammy, but I guess if she was their baby sitter back when Sam let people call him that it's okay. Still. *bitter*

John Winchester was an asshole \o/. And Sam Winchester has a big mouth \o/. And a lot of the time, Dean puts his dick in it! \o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"Take yourselves a little vacation." - Okay, so after this line I made a joke about how Dean just wants them out of the house so he can play domestic with Sam. Little did I know...

I Loooved Dean's "My brother's shake is gay." face. And the fact that Sam eats healthy and gay shakes.

"You shake it up good, baby." - Enough said. But seriously, attempt at making this casual enough to be dismissed by normal people? Fail. Oh why oh why do you read your lines as if your character fucks his brother, Jensen? Oh, that's right. Because he does. Often.

DEAN ASKED SAM TO BE HIS WIFE AND SAM REJECTED HIM. DO. NOT. WANT. It's okay, world. This is why we have fanfiction.

That kid was just eye fucking the shit out of Sam. Take it from one Sammy eye fucker to another.

I loved how Sam stopped in that park and stood there for thirty seconds like, "My SPIDEY SENSES ARE TINGLING!" but he didn't, I don't know, get the fuck out of there before the fucking poison darts start flying.

Also worth noting...where the fuck do you buy a poison dart gun at age 17? I had to wait until I turned 18 to get mine.

Ah, and we have found the outfit that even Jared Padalecki cannot make sexy. And here I thought it was an urban legend.

Now now, Sam! Don't be so touchy! Gary's mom wants to give you a hug! YOU ARE SAM WINCHESTER, "LET'S HUG IT OUT" SHOULD BE TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD--Oh? Excuse me? What's that?--I'm sorry guys. My sources have informed me that the tatto is in fact supposed to say "Let's hug it out naked," and only be taken seriously when he is talking to his brother. That was my bad, please go on being a touchy bitch, Sam.

OJSAODFSJDGIJDFGIJFOIHJFGOIHJF. JARED FLEXING IN MIRROR. IOJSAOJFOSJGOIJTOJGT. MUSCLES. ARMS. HOW IS A GIRL TO KEEP HER VAGINA TOGETHER?!

How did that kid know exactly where to go to get the cell phones? Also worth mentioning: All the contacts that will call those numbers in the future will get an answering machine and without the Winchesters to save them, they will die. Wonderful going, kid.

Fake!Sam hurt the Impala! He is obviously new to this whole "being Dean's girlfriend" thing. WE DO NOT BEAT THE OTHER WOMAN JUST BECAUSE SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, SAM. Dean was definitely not pissed enough about that. And I bet he'll be so traumatized he won't be able to let Sam drive again for months. THANKS A LOT AGAIN, KID.

Hi, my name is Elisa. I am a 19 year old uber nerd. Sam Winchester in a Darth Vader shirt turns me on. Please send help. Love, Elisa.

"One Sasquatch, one leather jacket." - How did they cram both of those big ass men into such an appropriate little nut shell?

Sam should not be scoffing at this kid for being a virgin, okay? At 17, Sam would definitely have still been a virgin were he not letting his brother touch his no-no places. I mean, when did Sam start having game with girls? THIS KID IS AN UBER NERD, BUT WE ARE FORGETTING THAT SAM IS NOT THE PICTURE OF COOL HIMSELF.

monjinator made a really excellent point. Cas has a cellphone. Bobby has a cellphone. Gary!Sam has legs. Can someone tell me why he didn't do anything more useful than call Dean and whine about his asthma? (Not that Dean doesn't care about his asthma. Dean SO cares.) MAYBE he doesn't know Cas's number by heart (though that sure would be useful as he's a fuckign ANGEL and 1/3 of the people on your moron side in this Apocalypse) and maybe he didn't know where to start looking for Dean on foot. CALL FUCKING BOBBY, YOU IDJIT. I swaer, Sam Winchester gets off on being useless. This scene was a chest shot, you know why? Because they didn't want to see the massive boner Sam had from how USELESS he was being. *rages*

"Gary, come to breakfast."
"Leave me alone!" - Sam never really out grew that 12 year rebellious teenager stage. It's very sad.

Ok, I can buy Sam getting pissed at the dad and saying screw the plan--that definitely fits his daddy issues. But what the fuck was with just grabby toast off mommy's plate? That was really fucking rude. SHE IS NOT DEAN, SAM.

Here is my major complaint about this episode and, in all honesty, I didn't hate it. I thought it was incredibly throwaway, but I was amused most of the time and I think I liked it a lot better than most of you guys from what I've seen. But here is the big issue we are all addressing: Dean did not know it was not Sam for so long. After four years apart, Skin!Sam called that shapeshifter out in about three minutes. And that's Sam. Which, not to cheapen his Love--it is an epic Love. But DEAN couldn't tell it wasn't SAM? DEAN? I get it that they've been having thier issues but let's run through this again...DEAN could not tell it wasn't SAM? I am calling the whole mess not canon. And these two writers, Andrew Dabb and Daniel Loflin? I am firing them from the universe. HE ASKED YOU TO PUMP THE MUSIC UP. YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOURS AGO, BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, DEAN. Have decided Dean *wanted* to believe it was Sam because by doing things he likes, the music, the driving, etc, Dean thinks Sam is reaching out to him and so he deludes himself because he wants that so bad. English majors \o/.

I loved Jared's delivery on the line "Oh no, Gary. This is a very bad book." It was SO daddy!Sam!! Also, the book totally made me think of Aziraphale and Good Omens and Agnes Nutter. Just me? Anyone? Bueller?

Wow, really? We gave this moron kid the ghost kill? Dean had to be rescued by this fucking kid? AND SAM NEVER GETS TO SAVE DEAN BUT THIS FUCKING KID DOES? I am throwing a fit, just take my word for it.

Random Commercial Rant: CHECKERS COMMERCIALS ARE IMMORAL. Did you guys see how delicious that commercial was? It made me long for it AND I HAVE NO WAY TO GET TO A CHECKERS. I AM STILL MAD.

Oh, how I love the image of an awkward, teenage-dressed, book-carrying, brooding sasquatch. I will, however, take this chance (Are we? Gonna? Take that? CHANCE!?) to say that the way they did the body switching here was really faily and confusing. Also, Jared Padalecki really is no longer on this show. Woe of woes. Oh, and while we're picking on people, thanks for bringing back Batman voice, Jensen! I don't want to punch your gorgeous face at all.

SAM EATS LIKE A GIRL. YOU SHOULD LOVE SAM FOR SAM, DEAN. YOU DID ONCE. But again, pretending this excited him because he was convincing himself that Sam was trying to tell him he wants to make up in a way that Dean would have tried, even if Sam never would.

"Random, D-list ghost hunt." - Well, as long as we're being honest with ourselves, writer's room.

Sam can't be in a good mood! /o\ MY SOUL ACHES FOR MY BOYS.

See? The "I'll drink to that"? Dean was totally like "OMG, SAM IS JUST TRYING TO PLEASE ME, I AM GOING TO ENCOURAGE HIM <3_<3"

HE REALLY IS A GOOD GUY AND ALL HE WANTS IS HIS BABY BROTHER SO GET THE FUCK OUT AND GO DIAF.

SDFGHHOKPGOHKPOGKJPOK. Favorite part of the whole episode? Jealous Girlfriend!Dean is so jealous when Sam is flirting with a girl but as soon as he goes home with one, that's when Dean KNOWS it's not Sam. Why? BECAUSE HE TRUSTS SAM NOT TO EVER CHEAT ON HIM. OMG, THEIR LOVE. No, really. If anyone else has another interpretation on why Sam wanting to get laid is so suspicious, I am all ears. Nothing? You guys have nothing? The Wincest stands. Suck my dick, I'm a shark.

More Daddy!Sam. Bada-ba-ba-baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I'm Lovin' it.

Alright! Finally! After all this time scratching my ass and going "Why isn't Hell trying to kill Dean off?" they addressed it. Ya'll are slow, but at least you sometimes have brains.

Aww, Sammy. He's so compassionate. And by that I mean, "Aww, Sammy, you giant fucking homosexual."

So, when Sammy was tied to the chair? I definitely thought that this was going to be a moment I am really looking forward to from spoilers, please do not highlight if you do not want to be spoiled!! So we know Sam is going to use his powers and Dean is going to be uncomfortable about it but that Dean will eventually be okay with it and I am convinced that a) that is when their Love will finally be mended (because let's face it, it is just not there this season) and b) how SAM is going to kill Lucifer. I was convinced this episode would maybe NOT be as throwaway as it wanted you to think it was and this would be when Sam uses his powers and Dean is unhappy but Sam did it *for* Dean and that he would finally get to save Dean. No, of course, Sam really is going to sit in that chair made impotant bty some fucking teenagers. Which makes sense because Sam has no powers in that body. But I don't need to go into my Samsel in Distress rant again, I believe cackling_madly put it best in her response to my Princess Peach!Sam joke last episode:



Man, I am so excited about how often I'm going to get to use that.

I love tricky!Dean. He makes my dick hard EVEN IF HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE HOW NOT HIS BROTHER THIS SHIT WAS FOR HALF A FUCKING HOUR.

I am still sad this was not a Sam/Dean body swap. I am so writing it now. Also, who's reccing my the fic? I want the fic. I KNOW IT'S OUT THERE, SO REC IT AT ME. Ahem. I am calm. I am composed.

ISJDFOJDFOGIDJFGOIFJOFIG. BAD SITUATION IS BAD. I mean, okay, OBVIOUSLY I knew Sam was not going to go to Lucifer and Dean was not going to be killed off by a teenager. But it was still a really dreadful situation and let me tell you, that was one tense commercial break for me.

These kids are all so stupid I cannot even wrap my fucking brain around it.

The girl did a good job playing a demon. But she really should have killed in-Gary's-body!Sam in order to prevent him from getting back into his body to take away Luci's incredibly awesome missed chance. Then again, I guess leaving him tied up was also important...



NO, LET'S NOT MEET THE BOSS. OR SAY YES. THESE ARE ALL REALLY BAD IDEAS. YOU KNOW WHAT'S A GOOD IDEA? NOT DOING ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

DEAN MEMORIZED THE EXCORCISM RITUAL!!1111!!1!! You can ask wutendeskind--I have the WEIRDEST kink for the Boys having it memorized. Up until today, Sam doing it has always made both my heart and my vagina go fucking insane. And the fact that Dean has learned it? IS AWESOME. And the fact that this was a tag team? WAS AWESOME. And if they had given this moment to Sam and Dean? I would have been incredibly turned on and finally starting to see the beautiful Love coming back to its previous levels of beautiful. No, no, let's give it to random asshole kid, it's better if they just tease me by bringing the idea up and then ruining it. Trying to decide if a Sam/Dean tag team memorized excorcism should ever make it into fic, or if I'm genuinely the only person as turned on by that as I am. At any rate, I think my point is that I'm really fucking touched that Dean knows it now. And the "Adios, bitch!" was gold and so very Dean.

Wow, that swap back into correct bodies? Cheap effects are cheap.

"If you were old enough to vote, you would be dead. Because we would kill you." - THAT'S KIND OF PROTECTIVE-BIG-BROTHER!DEAN! And that is my favorite kind of Dean. So yay.

Awwww, rebellious Sam! *pet pet pet* But just so you don't feel *too* manly, let me just remind you...



Matchmaker Sam! He's such a believer in young Love. Do you think it's because he was fucking his brother at 15?

"I wish I had your life." and then taking it back? Dean did this: <3_<3!!..:'O. Dean wants to play house with you Sammmyyyyy. PLAY HOUSE WITH YOUR BROTHER, YOU SLUT. PUT ON THE FUCKING APRON WE ALL KNOW YOU OWN (it's red and white checkered) AND BAKE SOME FUCKING PIE AND THEN FEED IT TO HIM WITH A SIDE OF YOUR COCK.

WELCOME BACK, KOTTER JOKE!11!11!!!1 LOLOLOLOLROFLMAOMGWTFBBQ

Random commercials: PERCY JACKSON!1!111!!! \o/ and did anyone else see the kind of incesty Starburst commercial? I guess they know their demographic.

Next: Really? That's all you guys are going to give us? I need a little more than that. I am so worried about next week. I am either going to really hate it but want incredibly dirty things from it or really Love it and still want incredibly dirty things from it. I think my faith for this season rests on that episodes shoulders. Fuck, I am so nervous. LEAVE ANNA MILTON ALONE. FUCK.

So yeah, tell me how wrong I am for not hating this episode! I'll respond in the morning as I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO BED FIVE HOURS AGO. Oh! And! I have lots of super happy and exciting news but I'm not going to tell you guys what it is on this post because it's not a personal post. I'M JUST GOING TO COCKTEASE YOU WITH IT. Like Sam tried doing to Dean that one time, only he couldn't hold out.
Tags: an angel and a demon walk into a--gayyy, gay savant, i believe in harvey dent, i ship it!, jared and jensen are in love, monjie, oh fandom, oh-my-livia, pretty pretty princess, public entry, television squee posts, the internet is eating my life, this is not the tag you're looking for, those brothers have sex
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