If avoiding Wincesty conclusion drawing just ignore
OK SO THIS EPISODE WAS EVERYTHING I HOPED IT WOULD BE. Seriously, my faith in Season 5 rested on this episode, and guess what, guys...THIS SEASON IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AMAZING.
Alright, the Castiel/Dean cellphone conversation JUST ABOUT KILLED ME DEAD. I was laughing SO FUCKING HARD. "The voice says I'm almost out of minutes!" And can we please talk about how cute his motherfucking face is? When he says "I'll just stand here" and he's just standing on a street corner all night, I DIED DEADDEADEAD. I LOVE CASTIEL SFM THIS SEASON.
Sam calling Dean and the tender way he said "Sam" when he answered the phone. Just GUH--knife to the heart. But so appropriate and beautiful. I Love Sam so much, when Dean said "oh yeah, revenge, because that's worked out so great in the past" and Sammy says "Not Revenge," and I was like "If he says Justice, I will stab out my own eyes." BUT HE SAID REDEMPTION. AND OMG, SAMMMMM. And then SAM putting on his toppy pants! HE IS GOING TO PROVE TO DEAN THAT HE'S GOING TO BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND THIS TIME!! And then Dean's "we are not stronger together", or "the speech in which Wincest becomes canon." "Whatever we have BETWEEN US...Love, family, whatever we have..." and then "we are the fire and oil of Armageddon" I.E. WE BURN SO FUCKING HOT, BABY BROTHER. And just YESFUCKYESMOARWINCESTHOLYJESUS. HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEFINE WHAT THEY HAVE. No, seriously, you guys still remember that you made them brothers, right?
Random comment is random: I just thought the scenery for Apocalypse Now future was really well done.
CROATOAN. FUCK YES. SO EPIC. YESSSSS.
Ok, when he was running from the people and he gets stopped at that fence? He and Sam have scaled way scarier fences in the past. Whatever, I get it, we needed the army to intervene. THAT SONG PLAYING WAS SUCH A FAIL, THOUGH. I get that they were trying to be ironic, or funny or something, but it just wasn't well done to me. Honestly, it kind of scared me about what direction the episode was going in, but clearly that was unfounded.
Zachariah, you terrify me. HE HAS A VERY SERIOUS HOLODECK OBSESSION AND MIGHT NEED REHAB.
Dean! Let me tell you a story with a moral: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO THE WORLD WHEN YOU'RE NOT FUCKING YOUR BROTHER.
DEAD BOBBY! DO NOT WANT x 87459487593487. Though I was pretty thrilled off the bat to see that photograph of Cas as a soldier.
AND THEN THE IMPALA WAS DEAD. AND POOR DEAN. KILLING BOBBY AND THE IMPALA IN THE SAME TWO MINUTES--NOT COOL. Impean is obviously the BEST CANON PAIRING OF ALL.
Ok, so I knew it was Dean punching Dean out before they told us because, you know, *duh*. Still, very hot but did anyone else find it JARRINGLY OUT OF CHARACTER that Dean never made the "Well, you ARE a handsome devil!" joke that he makes LITERALLY. EVERY. TIME. he meets a version of himself.
I love how the passage of time on this show works. Dean turns into Brock Kelly in the time between AVSC and HSS and then into Jensen Ackles by S1. Mary and John morph into completely different people in ten years (but don't change very much in the next 23). Sam stays the same age, apparently, until a week before he goes to college (not complaining, I love Colin Ford baby!Sam so much it's sick), and Dean Winchester looks younger and thinner five years into the future than at present. A++ wanky aging. I mean, I obviously get that we can't really take the actors back in time and we're doing our best, but it's still way fun to mock. ALSO, OLIVIA IS CONVINCED JENSEN ACKLES IS PUTTING ON WEIGHT TO GET HIMSELF FIRED FROM THE SHOW AND I AM TERRIBLY AFRAID THAT JARED IS FEEDING HIM WAY TOO MUCH COCK. Ahem.
OH HAI--DEAN LIKES WEARING GIRLS UNDERWEAR? Really, the things they are making him say this season. Sam Winchester is the gay one, and now they just keep making Dean gayer and I'm seriously so distressed. WE ALL KNOW THAT OUT-IN-COLLEGE!SAM HAD SOME WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR AND THAT DEAN STARTED WEARING IT AS SOON AS THEY STARTED FUCKING. Way to Kripke all of the kinky fanfiction in the universe, Kripke.
Now!Dean's heart broken face when he found out he wasn't with Sam when he died? The "You weren't with him" was so happy making, I loved seeing him realize that he didn't actually expect the seperation to last despite what he said. YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO SAM IN FIVE YEARS, FUTURE!DEAN, I'VE DECIDED YOU'RE A FUCKER.
"You don't trust yourself?" "No." "What a dick." - AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Chuck! I loved administrative!Chuck so much, oh man. He's so cute and not meant to be a soldier, but I felt all warm and fuzzy that he did what he could.
Future!Cas!! OMG, SO HILARIOUS. ORGY AND STONED AND JUST YES. Also, I believe Cas has proved himself to be very, very heterosexual. AND THUS SINCE HE WILL STAY AN ANGEL BUT BE A HETEROSEXUAL, HE WILL SAVE ANNA AND HAVE MANY SEXES WITH HER. My logic, it is IMPOSSIBLE TO FIGHT. The "you're all so beautiful" was so creeper!Cas. As others have pointed out, this week's Cas was just Misha Collins (word on the street is that we're just calling 2014!Cas Mishtiel, which I HUGELY SUPPORT), lolololol. Also, I really liked his "Interesting." IT WAS SO SPOCK.
I really liked the speech he gave Dean in the car about being human. "I used to belong to a better club." Samless!Dean became an asshole and Asshole!Dean made Cas LOSE THE WILL TO LIVE. He is SUCH a Sam/Dean!girl.
DEAN JUST KILLING PEOPLE! /o\ And then when Dean tries to lecture him about it and we get the "No, you listen" moment and I was like "...Dean Winchester morphed into Adrian Veidt 35 minutes ago?" He's so bratty. I guess someone had to be without Sammy around to fill the spot. And Sam was spoiled for the best reasons (mommy!Dean is v.v. doting). YO, FUTURE!DEAN, I THINK YOU LOOK REALLY GREAT, AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH, BUT SAM WINCHESTER WAS ONE OF THE CUTEST SPOILED BRATS OF ALL TIME.
Oh, good! The colt! I knew right away that he wanted to use it to kill Sam (or rather, Lucifer!Sam) and I made this face D: . GIVE IT TO PAST!DEAN BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF, ASSHOLE!DEAN. I did like when Dean asked himself "You wanna shut up?" Obviously not, future!Dean, have you ever met yourself?
FUTURE!CAS. I AM SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU. I really like how bitter he sounded about the fact that Dean tortures now. "What? I like past!you!" He said that with the exclamation point, and is clearly a BNF in the Supernatural book fandom. He writes the best Wincest, is truu. But I do really like that he goes along with the things future!Dean goes to do, even when he clearly knows they're stupid. I really like their *~friendship~*.
*flails* SAM SAID YES BECAUSE DEAN SAID NO. *clutches at heart* THOSE BOYS ARE SO SCREWED UP OVER EACHOTHER AND IT MAKES ME ALL WARM AND GOOEY INSIDE.
Hey, Dean, you know how you can be sure this a holodeck and not the definite real future if you say no to Michael? BECAUSE THE ANGELS WOULD NEVER GIVE UP. IT'S A FUCKING MIRAGEEEEE. I was genuinely worried he would feel compelled to consent after this, I mean, I obviously knew he wouldn't, but it was v. intimidating.
ASSHOLE!DEAN--I C WUT U DID THAR WITH TAKING DEAN ALONG BECAUSE YOU WANT HIM TO SEE LUCIFER!SAM. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I *WILL* FEED YOU TO HELL HOUNDS AND ENJOY IT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER.
Cas thinks he's useless because he's human! *hugs Cas tightly*
Another random comment: I like the term "Croats" for people infected with Croatoan. I'm just really overjoyed that they brought Croatoan back because, apparently, CROATOAN IS A HARBINGER OF WINCESTY PASSION. I was just so glad to bring that back and to have a term for them because it's so common.
Dean is FEEDING HIS PEOPLE TO THE CROATS. WHO ARE YOU, FUTURE!DEAN?! He was in character, though, I really believe that post-losing-Sam-to-Lucifer!Dean would turn into that.
I don't mean to be filthy here or anything...butttt...
WHITE-SUIT-LUCIFER!JARED CAN FUCK ME ANYWAY HE WANTS ME.*
* = I did mention I'm a nun, right? This must always be remembered.
He killed Asshole!Dean!!! IT HURTS. But also, was probably a mercy killing. I loved the redundant line, I so said that before he even got the line out.
Ok, the way he was talking to Dean? I love this Luciferrr. He was clearly trying to make Dean his evil!consort (Lucifer!Sam was even faggier than Sam!Sam). I so need to read The Incestuous Courtship of the Antichrist's Bride. I was so so so happy-made by Lucifer's environmentalist speech. And how everything he said was kind of true in a twisted way. THOSE PUPPY EYES, SERIOUSLY, EVEN ON LUCIFER, THEY COULD END THE WORLD.
"You're the same as all of the things I hunt, the only difference is the size of your ego." - LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! DEAN, PLEASE DON'T MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW BIG SAM'S DICK IS RIGHT NOW.
Lucifer knows that Dean won't let Michael in to kill him while he's wearing Sam. So much woe. Dean's delicious tears when he's just staring at Lucifer!Sam and he looks SO BROKEN AND SAD AND FDOGDIHYUFTDGAFGFSJHDI. THE WAY THAT HIS VOICE QUAKES WHEN HE'S TELLING LUCI OFF. Seriously, I want to give Jensen a huge fucking hug for saving his tears so far this season for that moment. Just the frozen agony on his face, OMG.
So...getting sucked into that hotel room and being turned in by a Jehovah's Witness...DEAN--WATCH OUT!
BUT CAS SAVED YOU, OMG AND HE'S STILL STANDING ON THAT STREET CORNER AND HE HAS THAT LITTLE "I KNOW WHAT I JUST DID, BUT I'M GOING TO PRETEND I DON'T" SMILE. SNEAKY!ANGEL RETURNNSSSSS!!! "Don't ever change" -- YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
AND THEN DEAN. CALLED. SAMMY.
Sam stole a crappy Chevrolet to meet up with Dean. YOU FEEL AT HOME IN CHEVY'S, DON'T YA, SAMMY?
Dean gives him the knifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And when Sam promises he won't let him down he does that adorable big brother thing with the "I know you won't, you're the second-best hunter on the planet." OMG, BOOOYYYYYS. MY BOYS. MY BOYS, BEING MY BOYS. MY BOYS BEING MY BOYS TOGETHER. MY BOYS BEING MY BOYS TOGETHER AND YES I MEAN SEXUALLY TOGETHER.
"What do we do now?"
SEASON 2!DEAN WILL NOT LET HIS BROTHER TURN INTO A MONSTER. AND AFTER THE RETURN OF SEASON 2!SAM LAST WEEK. IT'S ALL TOO GOOD. THEY WILL MAKE THEIR OWN FUTURE, ALRIGHT, IT WILL HAVE A LOT OF JOY AND CURTAINS!!!!!
"We may be eachother's Achilles' Heels, but we're all we have AND we keep eachother human." - You guys actually do. I mean, really, look at how far to shit you both go apart. But aside from the truth and beauty of it, just THEIR LOVE. I'm still flailing over here. Honestly, I thought even after they got back together there would be a long awkward mending period, but seriously, I could buy them going back to the motel and having sex right after this episode ends. It makes me so joyful, but also Josses the reconciliation porn I already started writing for tamingthemuse this week. I DON'T CARE, THIS EPISODE WAS WORTH LOSING THE TIME I SPENT WRITING IT.
By far my favorite episode this season. Also, nest week's is really exciting to me. It's just going to be a hunt, I've missed hunts! And it's going to be funny and mock Jared for being in House of Wax (something I never needed to revist *woe for HOW!Jared*) and MY BOYS WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN.
So, in conclusion:
THIS EPISODE--FOR THE WIN(cest)!!!
I made that my facebook status, and I am *still* amused by how clever I am. Also, JEN SAW THE END OF THIS EPISODE AND MADE HER FACEBOOK STATUS "JEN NOW BELIEVES IN THE WINCEST." My roommate rocks. Anyone on my friendslist an icon maker? Does someone want to make me a "FOR THE WIN(cest)!!!!" icon? I did mention my birthday's in two days, right? *bats eyes adorably*