Bimbo Baggins (cherie_morte) wrote,
Bimbo Baggins
cherie_morte

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Sam Winchester has 99 Problems and they all bitches.

So, as many of you well know, I got struck by the Bubonic Plague on Monday and have spent this week in bed being dead (which, by the way, I owe you guys a million hugs and kisses for being so cute and sending me all the get better love!). So, after Show last night, I really couldn't muster up one of these guys. Now I'm kind of in a rush because I have a sorority formal to go to (what is my life?) and it starts obnoxiously early. Luckily, I don't have too much to say, so here goes:

99 Problems Squee Post

If you want to remember that these boys were once in Love, look for this.

RECAP: I smell wank. Was briefly worried the angels would go for Ben (who is obviously Dean's kid) and be like "Say yes or we'll make the kid do it!" Glad we didn't go there.

Dean pushing the Impala because Sam is in trouble! See! Even now, Sam is still the favorite. Thank God for small favors.

Fire fighter hunters? GQMFs.

This was a really epic beginning three minutes. I felt disoriented. I was completely unspoiled for this episode. That will never happen again.

"I hate to tell you this, but those were demons and this is the Apocalypse." - YES, YES, MFY. That was the moment that the epic fail army intervention in The End tried to be, minus all the fail.

That kid should have played teen!Dean Winchester. He looked SO MUCH like Jensen that for a few seconds I was like "If the Ben thing was brought up because this guy is Dean's kid, too, I am going to start questioning his life decisions." I was really holding out for the Ben and Lisa in the recap to make sense, let me tell you. I think I'm still holding out, but more on that later.

I like that it actually looked like the fucking Apocalypse was going on in this town.

Everybody holding shotguns at a wedding? LOLOLOLOLOLOL. SHOTGUN WEDDING JOKE, FTMFW.

"A whole town full of hunters. I don't know if I should scream, run, or buy a condo." - First of all, I want everyone who didn't hear condom to raise their hand. No one? Ok, just making sure. Second, let's talk about how excited my vagina gets when entire towns know how to defend themselves. That was one excited vagina, let me tell you. Third, PLEASE BUY A CONDO, DEAN. SAM NEEDS A WEDDING PRESENT, YOURS IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO BE THE AMULET.

I now have a note that says "Angels are bad mojo." I don't even know what I was responding to when I wrote that, but I totally agree with me.

Dean. Hitting on the prophet. In front of Sam. You are awful. *shakes head fondly*

"I don't understand. Why do you want me to say my name?" - OH, CASTIEL. ILUSFM.

Bartender: That Round's on me.
Me: SAMMY HAS A BOYFRIEND! \o/

SAM. SAM KNOWING WE'RE OT GOING TO DIE. SAM HAVING HOPE. SAM, THANK YOU FOR BEING WONDERFUL AND ADORABLE AND I LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME.

"Someone has to cover Rob's ass. *smiles a sexy smile*" - Hello, random hunters. Do I ship it? Yes.

"Father in Heaven--"
"Not so much."
PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. ANGSTTT. BUT ALSO: SNARKKK.

Sam killing with that knife. Oh I love watching it. It's like pornography for my heart. YOU ARE SO GOD AT YOUR JOB, BABY BOY.

HE ASKED FOR A RIDE WITH YOU, DEAN. Young!Dean is in love with Dean. I...uhh...wish I didn't find this image as attractive as I do.

NO HE CAN'T DRIVE SOON. ONLY SAMMY CAN DRIVE SOON. But he can definitely bottom in the back seat while Sam's fucking the bartender.

THEY KILLED DEAN'S BOYFRIEND. THEY KILLED HIM. DEAN IS SO SAD. WHY DID THEY KILL HIM? WHY, GOD?!?!?

And wow. The sermon the priest was giving at his funeral. That's a really shitty sermon, dood. If that was my funeral, I would come back to haunt your ass.

"They just outlawed 90% of your personality." - Sam, I Love him so much this episode. This season. He has so much fighting spirit. And he's trying to give it to his big brother. Because I still hold he's never been more in Love with him than he was when he was watching him in that kitchen and it's so sad that just when he's falling more in Love than ever, Dean is pulling away so hardcore. Oh, boys. Your Love is overwhelmingly tragic.

DEAN. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. YOU HAVE TO CARE. Dean never went dark side, but at least Sam can hold an erection. *sigh*

This bartender. I was so in love with him. "I'm going to Hell honest." No, seriously, I am marrying you and we're getting a house there together.

BUT SAM IS A BELIEVER. Even now. OMG. Season 2 Sammy. You a re my favorite, favorite, favorite. NEVER CHANGE.

They outlawed the internet and suddenly Sam is leaving-for-Stanford levels of rebellious again. Nerds, FTMFW. I understand where he's coming from. He obviously still has 12K of a Wincesty spn_j2_bigbang to knock out in a month, and these crazy fundamentalists are cutting him off right before his big porn scene.

I want it on the record that while I completely understand where Dean is coming from, the fact that he is just sitting there through all of this? Yeah. I have never been so annoyed with Dean Winchester in my life. I mean, I get it. I really do. But. asiofjadofjogjdoigj.

SAM HAS ONE THING KEEPING HIM GOING AND IT'S DEAN. He's in so much Love with himmm. HE'S GIVEN UP ON GOD, BUT HE HASN'T GIVEN UP ON DEAN. Not even when Dean is acting like a lump of crap. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I really like that Sam still kind of doesn't get how hurt Dean is over the Heaven debacle--he tried the "You have to hang on for me." line which is SO SAM and SO ADORABLE and I SWEAR HAS NEVER NOT WORKED BEFORE but Dean just had how many times he let him down rubbed in his face, and saying that line really is only going to make it worse. I love that they don't get each other, but that they're getting there. HEALTHY, WE'RE GONNA BE IT ONE DAY. Kind of. Maybe. Almost. Comparatively.

Drunken!Cas saved this episode from obscurity for me. He is so, so sad to me, but I needed the laugh and I thank him for his drunken angel!pain.

"I found a liquor store."
"And?"
"I drank it."

Probably one of my favorite exchanges of dialogue ever. And then the rant about Sam's message. "It was a long message and I find your voice grating." AHAHAHA. And then how close he leaned into Sam when he said "Don't ask stupid questions." SASSY SHIPPERS, EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT. This episode was like a wee little present for them. And I really friendship them, so it made me happy. Though they should tone it down, because if Dean keeps acting like this and not putting out and Sam's bartender boyfriends keep getting shot, I may have to do something blasphemous. Like...joke about shipping it with a hint of seriousness. Not that I do that already. This is awkward, let's move on.

I thought she was going to be a Special Child. You know, with the headaches and the visions and clearly not being a prophet. I was wrooong. Stop wanting to meet more Special Children, Elisa. You're only going to get disappointed. AVA ATE THEM ALL.

THEY SHOT SAM'S BOYFRIEND. SAM'S FUCKING AWESOME, BARTENDER, SEXYASS BOYFRIEND. IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?

Jensen's delivery on "It's not my blood." was incredible. He sounded so destroyed and he just looked so shocked, even after all he's seen, that people could do that to someone they knew. I was pretty hurt, myself. Poor thing, this is not what he needs to be seeing to give him his hope back.

"I was on a bender."
"Did he just say 'on a bender'?"
"Yeah, he's still pretty hammered."

Okay. 1. Sam has been in this room dealing with drunk!Cas all night. I love it (and feel very sorry for Sam).
2. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. ILU ALL SO MUCH.

"She's a whore." - Classy, Cas. But yeah. Wow. The Whore of Babylon? Anyone else feel like we could have done so much more with that?

CASTIEL'S FACE WHEN HE SAYS THE TRANSLATION OF THE GOAT BREEDING EXORCISM. AND THEN THE LINE "It's funnier in Anochian." OMG, CAS. IF YOU WENT BACK TO HEAVEN, YOU WOULD SO BE THE FUNNIEST ANGEL IN THE GARRISON. I cannot express in words how much this line amused me.

"How do we go Pimp of Babylon allover this bitch?" - OH, DEAN. Using the age old strategy. How do you kill a giant stone Abraham Lincoln? You build a giant stone John Wilkes Booth. How do you kill the Whore of Babylon? You become the Pimp of Babylon. The cadet's logic is sound.

"Sam, of course, is an abomination." - LOLOLOLOL.

So, I'll be honest, I thought we'd be bringing Gabriel in as the servant of Heaven for two whole seconds. I am ready for him to join Team Freewill now, pls.

"I am an angel of the Lord." - I sense a change in delivery from the last time you said that, Cas. I AM SO SAD THAT YOU ARE SO DEJECTED.

I like daddy!priest! It's so so sad that we had to ask him to kill his daughter. This show, I swear. Has it even HEARD of morals?

Dean and hungover!Cas! You guys are really pathetic. Thank God we have Sam Winchester around being all perfect this episode.

Dear Show,
I know you've never been into subtlety. But don't you think your fanbase feels, oh, a smidge condescneded to when you think you have to bang them over the head with the John Winchester = absent father = God parallels?
Just wondering,
A concerned fan.

OMG. Oh course when she looks in the mirror she has to make one of those faces. I don't know why they unsettle me so much, but they scare me more than anything else on show (except for Zachariah) and I wish to God they would stop.

Did Dean seriously rhyme as he was killing the Whore? What is this, Dr. Seuss?

*sigh* You're a servant of Heaven, huh, dickless? Man, Sam is so getting back those top!pants.

SAM'S DISTRESS WHEN DEAN DROVE AWAY. OMG, HE DROVE AWAY AND LEFT HIS SAMMY. I can't handle it.

Sooo...he drove all the way to see Lisa because he didn't have her number...but he knew where to find her new house? Show, you're pretty, but you're not very smart.

Ok! At first I was like "...I DUN GET IT." and I still don't like it 100%. But smarter brains than my own have made pretty good sense of this random bringing Lisa backness.

1. Dean's Heaven is all about Sam. His deepest desire is to obviously to be happy with Sam again.

2. But he does not believe at this stage in his life that he will ever get that again on Earth. Hence:

a) His willingness to die (and if he says "Yes" to Michael, he will be useless afterward and allowed to die and go to Heaven permanently).
b) Lisa and Ben represent the happiest he thinks he can be on Earth. I can buy that. Dean is all about family, he wants one more than anything, and he's lost faith in the family he has. Hence his needing to invent a new one.

3. Until show directly says otherwise, it's pretty safe to assume that Dean said these things to Lisa because she and Ben represent what he's been fighting to protect his entire life. He is not in love with Lisa. He doesn't even know her. Olivia and I believe that what he meant by saying that he was taking care of her and Ben in his deal with Michael was that he's making it a part of the deal that all of the people the Winchesters have saved have to be chosen. This is consistent with What Is and What Should Never Be!Dean, who was content to say in that life even though he didn't like it so that Sam could be happy UNTIL THE PEOPLE HE SAVED DIED. She's just a symbol of all of those people.

So Dean saying these things? I get. Lisa's response? WTF WTF WTF? He's a drunken guy who, yes, saved your kid, but you don't know him. You don't love him. You probably haven't thought about him in ages. And why are you going to invite him in for beer? And keep insiting like that? It made no sense. And now she's being put on the alcoholic-enabling-girlfriends-I-don't-like list with Carmen. You bitches just sit there and think about what you've done.

This honestly really worries me about Season 6. If we are reintroducing her as a solid love interest that means one of three things:

1. We're going to have to kill poor Lisa, and what will happen to poor Ben? That's just mean, but fandom does not like having girls out there for the Winchesters to be able to go back to, see what happened to poor Jo who was forgotten for two seasons but then had to die because Dean isn't allowed to have that?

2. Sam is going to get a sustained love interest and it's going to become the "two brothers who were once in Love but have now reformed themselves for poon" show. This is not a show I have any interest in watching, guys. They keep telling us they're bringing it back to the boys in Season 6. The boys. Not the boys and their girlfriends no one cares about. WE'VE BEEN DEALING WITH INTERLOPERS FOR TWO SEASONS AND I AM SICK OF IT (you'd think I'd been watching this show live for two seasons, wouldn't you?)

3. They will forget to ever bring her up again and once more fail epically at consistency. A++, show.

I'm still kind "huh?" on the whole thing, but that's my take on it all. I am so ready for next week and so worried about this whole Apocalypse mess and I just wish that this season were over already so I could know how happy or disappointed I am and move on. I can't take the stress. I'm dying of the Plague for crying out loud, Show owes me some good news.
Tags: big bang, gay savant, i ship it!, jared and jensen are in love, oh fandom, oh-my-livia, public entry, team sexsquatch, television squee posts, the internet is eating my life, those brothers have sex, wallowing in self-pity
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